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  • Writer's pictureSerena Johnson

There’s so many challenging decisions to make all while you’re grieving. It’s like the world is turned upside down after the death of your loved one, and you’re expected to still run right side up. Some days seem to be unbearable! One of the things that most families inevitably must face is deciding how they will handle their loved one’s belongings. There’s so much to consider - Do you immediately give their belongings away? Do you keep them for the first year as to not rush yourself in your grieving process? Do you leave everything in the room the same? It’s so hard to know the “right”way to do things because everyone grieves differently. I’ve heard all sorts of advice, and some have really helped and some really did NOT. I’d like to suggest what’s worked for me to grieve in a healthy way after my mom‘s death. I had some decisions to make:

1. Do I no longer talk about my mom to people after a while so that I don’t make them

uncomfortable in my grief??

- For the answer was NO. My mother will always be in my forever. She’s not in my past, but in my heart forever so there’s no expiration date on conversations about her. I do recognize not everyone can handle talking about my deceased mother, so I give grace for that. Your loved one “was” but in some form still “is”part of who you are because you hold them in your heart and

memories - so talk about them.

2. Do I throw away all of her items so that I don’t have to be reminded of her??

- Hmmm, so I remember this struggle of a question. It is hard to look at other items, smell the scent of their clothes, and not break down. My family and I decided at some point to pack my mother’s clothing items away and put them into another closet in the house. My dad kept her personal items on her dresser the way she left them, for some time. My sister and I kept articles

of clothing and miscellaneous items for our own Keep sake. I used to sleep in my mother’s pajamas and head scarf for at least a year in the beginning and I still wear her wedding ring every day. I kept a bottle of her perfume that I don’t we are or spray…. But I do smell it every once in a blue moon when I need to. These items are not shrines, they are keepsakes that I hold dear to my heart and memory of my amazing mom.

I can’t say that you’re wrong if you decide to give your love ones items away, or if you decide to keep them longer them. I will say do what works best for your grieving heart

~ Grief isn’t easy, but hope and healing are possible

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