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  • Writer's pictureSerena Johnson

Grief is a war 🥹🕊️😭

Our rising pain and our desire for peace is constantly at war during our grief. It’s like a tug of war.

We long to believe that we can be okay while our minds are at war with thoughts of distrust, hopelessness, disappointment, anger and fears of all kind.

We begin to feel like the world is closing in on us and we’re suffocating. We just want to breathe! Do we let ourselves fall apart and cry every other moment our loved ones memory crosses our mind? OR . Do we go about our lives as if we're bigger than our pain and pretend to be unaffected by sorrow?


Is it a question Fight or flight ?? Many of us take FLIGHT as it’s sometimes the only defense we have to protect our hearts from any more wounds. Many of us actually experience, initial denial, and/or numbness. This isn't always looked at as a positive thing, but numbness actually is a natural response that keeps your "mental fuse" from exploding. So, instead of exploding, it will just shut down and that is when you experience numbness. It's our bodies natural guard against complete insanity. While it is not healthy to stay here, because it will complicate your grief, it is natural to experience.


When you experience a loss, your mind is at war with the reality that this tragic event took place. It's painful to comprehend that life dealt you "a bad hand" or God allowed this to happen. We become confused about our present and fearful about our future. How will we live with this stabbing pain and brace life again?

When you experience a loss, your heart is at war with heart break and your intense desire to just have solace & joy again. You want so desperately to just be able to wake up without weeping and go to bed without sobbing.

When you experience a loss, your body is at war with restlessness as it soley longs for peace.


Much of the reason for this war belongs to notion that we ultimately don't like pain. We run from it. Let's be real who likes pain? NO ONE! As crazy as this sounds, in order to take steps towards healing you must face your pain. Many people run from symptoms of grief but tears are as natural as laughter, and pain is as common as pleasure. It's a natural human response to be sad and or angry, yet we avoid the very presence of it. Our avoidance of pain causes us more suffering. We work double time and cause ourselves more stress trying to block grief versus just leaning into it. Grief from loss is hard enough on its own.

There isn't a clean cut way to end the war, but there is a way to surrender to the process. We grieve hard many times because we've loved hard. Grief is a result of love (for non ambivalent relationships).

Death is a part of life just as much as birth is. We have to accept that. When we can come to grips with this reality we can begin to have enough compassion on our hearts to enter into healing with grace and mercy for ourselves.

Be kind to your grieving heart and let it heal.

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