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  • Writer's pictureSerena Johnson

You can’t get over it, can’t go under it, you must go through it ~ I heard this line from a children's nursery poem and never forgot the power of those words.

There is no “just get over it" when it comes to grief!

I absolutely never let people rush me through my grief. It's a process and if I skip the fact that I need to grieve my loss, process my pain, integrate my new identity into my new life, and learn to live without my loved one- I'm doing a disservice to my grieving heart and my life thereafter.

I've learned to kindly extend grace to those who don’t understand my grief and mean well, but I don’t let them rush me. Grief is like sustaining a trauma to your mind, body and emotions - you don’t just GET OVER trauma. You tend to your “wound”, you address the pain, you care for it and take the necessary steps to ensure it heals correctly. Sometimes that looks like it takes forever. Especially if the “wound” gets re-injured. Think of this as a natural and metaphorical example. You ever sustain an injury to your skin that was painful? After your initial shock you go to tend to that wound by cleaning it, placing ointment on it and possibly having it seen by a medical professional to have bandaged or stitched. You go home and for the next few days you ensure that it heals properly. Most of the time our wounds and scars heal just fine and we go on with normal activity. But then there are those undesirable happenstance's when you scrap or hit that wound that was healing and the pain resurfaces with a vengeance! You find you self having to start over from square one, right? This happens with grief - there are times when you're coming along in your healing process and feeling fine and WHAM!! A triggering moment sets you back and before you know it you're crying all over again, isolating yourself and finding it hard to face life again. The people around don't see the inward pain that was inflicted- they only see that you're sad AGAIN?!!

Please please Be kind to your grieving heart by not allowing others to inflict more pain on you. Healing from grief can look like baby steps or leaps and bounds. And understand that it’s okay to need more time, because it’s a process. Consider this - sometimes we bleed long and hard, because we’ve loved long and hard 🫶🏽


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